I had another title in mind, but it wasn't PG. Accurate, though. Same first word, replace the rest with another F word. That just about sums up my day so far. There are not enough chocolate bars in the world for days like this.
Mark was diagnosed with cluster headaches just about a week ago, after we spent several hours in the ER. While we were there, he was seen by an amazing doctor who took great care of him. He was advised to make an appointment with his primary physician, given a day's worth of vicodin, and we went home.
We called first thing the next morning to make an appointment. It would seem to me that there would be a slot or two left open every day, just in case someone really needed to get in. Nope, evidently not. An appointment was scheduled for the following day. His doctor talked to him for a moment, decided that it might not be cluster headaches (because they are rare), gave him a new prescription for a mild pain killer. The pain medication the doctor originally wanted to prescribe wasn't doing anything for him at all. So the doctor asked if Tylenol was working. Obviously not, it we had to go to the hospital because of the pain.
I understand that doctors don't want to hand out pain killers, but there comes a point when maybe people need something a little bit stronger.
Right now, Mark is in the bedroom. He had another attack last night. He came into bed after work and just lay there, sobbing because of the pain. He would get up, walk around, kneel and bang his head against the floor, and then just curl up there, in too much pain to move. The medication he has wasn't touching it. Meanwhile, Becca woke up, and seeing Mark like that was really upsetting her, so we went out to watch some cartoons. I'm torn between taking care of her and taking care of my husband, trying to find a way to do both. I have never felt so completely helpless.
Cluster headaches come and go, with most people going through spells that last a few days to a month or more, and then some time more or less in remission. Mark's last bad spell like this was when we had first gotten together. It lasted almost two weeks, and he could barely get out of bed. I don't remember that one being this bad, and I'm worried that they will happen more often now. He missed work most of last week, and we're still struggling to play make up for the loss of income. And it just sucks-- really, really bad-- to see him in that much pain and not be able to do anything to help him. I realize that this is just going to be a part of our lives, but when coupled with the fibromyalgia he already deals with (and my anxiety disorder), it's easy to feel very overwhelmed. I'm trying my best to keep a positive outlook, not let this affect Becca, but it's hard. All I want to do is curl up and cry. It's not helping that I was up late last night with work, and only got a couple hours of sleep before he woke me up this morning.
There's no one to call and discuss this with. My family is less than sympathetic to Mark's health concerns (I mentioned to my sister that Mark missed some work due to the headaches, and she told me that our other sister could work with bad headaches, so he should be able to as well.) His mom is very sympathetic to him, which is nice, but she only sees it from the perspective of someone else who deals with pain (she has fibro too). There's no one who gets what it is like to sit here, suffering silently, while your loved one is in agony. That's hard, too. And I would love it if someone thought enough to ask "So, hey, how are you holding up?" I would of course give the required response of, "I'm holding up okay," because trying to explain, and give a truthful answer of "Life sucks, and I just want this to be over with." would actually lead to me sobbing myself, and I just don't have the time or energy for that right now.
I really needed to unload all of that. Thank you to those who managed to get through it all- it's not exactly light reading I guess.
In more positive news, we're going tomorrow to see the Imagination Movers live in Syracuse. All I have to do is get through today, and (hopefully) tomorrow will be better. We might even try to find our way to Chuck E. Cheese's after the show for dinner.
Comments (3)
I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you. I hope that something is figured out soon so that you all can get some of that stress off.
Today will be fun and hopefully you can even smile a real smile. I am always lurking if you need someone to talk to. Sometimes you just need a good cry and someone to tell you it will all be okay. Never hesitate to message me and I will be happy to be that shoulder. ((Hugs))
I had a migrane. Once. For about half an hour. I cannot imagine what it must be like to find yourself in this kind of pain with any kind of regularity. Sounds like you need to get the number of your ER doctor and bypass the regular guy. Not that I am into new age stuff, but you might try acupuncture for the pain. Can't hurt (pardon the pun).
Don't hesitate to vent here, you need to do that somehow, and with a little one it is hard to burden other people. Here if we don't want to be burdened, we just read the post and go on. If we can be burdened, we comment.
I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. (((hugs)))
@gwacemom - @Wildflowersp@xanga - Thank you both. It's nice to have a place to vent, knowing that there are wonderful people like you two to read and offer support. It really means a lot, especially on a day like this. I can't imagine what he must be going through-- I've never even had a migraine before, and I only very rarely get headaches. We are going to be looking for a different doctor for him, one that hopefully will actually help us treat the problem before it becomes a full attack. There are a lot of options, and if we're lucky, one will work for him.